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Signed Numbered

Signs That Your Husband May Want Out Of Your Marriage

The other day, I received an email from a woman who told me that she had a sinking feeling that her husband was contemplating leaving the marriage. As she put it, she strongly felt that "he wanted out." She asked me if I could give her some warning signs or indications that husbands give off when they thinking about or wanting to leave the marriage.

I could and did respond, but I also had to tell her that although many men exhibit the same warning signs and signals, every husband is different. Each man's unique personality is going to determine which things are deal breakers and which things will just be minor annoyances that will eventually blow over. While one issue may send one husband packing, it may be something that another sees as just another thing to work through. Still, many husbands give off similar vibes when they are thinking about calling it quits. So, in the below article, I'll tell you the tips offs that I commonly see which can indicate that your husband wants out of your marriage.

Sign Number One: He's Just Not There – Both Physically And Emotionally: Often a husband's lack of presence is the first indication that we get that something is amiss. For whatever reason, he doesn't want to spend as much time at home. Perhaps he perceives that he "needs space," maybe he just wants time to sort things out in his own head, or maybe he is trying on the role of being single. Still, in these situations, you'll often hear excuses as to why he's just not around as much. For whatever reason, he feels the need to be away and is getting some pay off from it. Often he'll spend more time with his male friends maybe going out and trying to relieve some of the tension.

And, even if he is there physically, then he's not there emotionally. You'll notice him tuning you out or not responding appropriately to what you are saying. There is more small talk and less deep conversations with sustenance. You may talk about the kids, your jobs, your obligations, or anything under the sun other than what's wrong with your relationship. These are not the conversations you used to have when you were in love. These are the conversations you would have with a stranger on a train or with a person in line at the supermarket. These talks aren't intimate and emotionally driven – because the emotion is waning or isn't his priority right now.

Sign Number Two: Awkward Silences, A Lack Of Spark, And The Loss Of Intimate Spontaneity: You can spot couples who are tightly bonded pretty easily because they typically touch frequently even if they are not aware of this. They'll brush their partner's arm, grab for their wife's hand, rub their husband's shoulders, etc. These are things that they don't even think about, but because they are intimate emotionally and physically, they are subconsciously "reaching out" toward the other.

When the affection or commitment starts to wane, these spontaneous gestures are often the first to go. Often when you're together it will just feel awkward of off. The electricity in the bedroom feels either manufactured or nonexistent and you feel sad, let down, empty or hollow rather than close and cared for afterward. Often during dinners or time together there are awkward pauses and the sound of silverware hitting plates because the conversation doesn't have the usual ebb and flow or intimate give and take.

Now, I often have people who will say: "Well, but doesn't this just happen naturally over time? You can't expect people who have been married for a while to still be all over each other. People become comfortable and no longer act like teenagers in love." Sure, this is true. But, I find that people who ask this will typically deep down know the difference, which is why they are writing to me or researching in the first place. There is a marked difference between a husband who is just distracted once in a great while but is still attentive and connected most other times than one who is in a stale relationship and therefore is no longer engaging.

Sign Number Three: He May Broach The Subject Beforehand, But He May Spring It On You Suddenly: Some women will tell me that they did have prior warning that the husband is contemplating leaving or taking a break. Maybe he'll drop little hints like "maybe we would be better off apart," or "I might be better off alone," or "things aren't going well and I'm not happy," etc. Sometimes they will try to soften the blow with these kinds of hints – which typically become more pointed as time goes by.

But, there are other times when the first time you hear anything is about this is the time when they tell you they are leaving. I believe this to be more rare, but I have had several people who tell me that this has happened to them.

If You Think He Wants Out Of Your Marriage: I often tell people to just sit their husband down and be honest if they are seeing or feeling any of these warning signs. Many women are scared to bring it up, hoping that it will just go away on it's own. It often won't. It's better to be preventative and to try to restore open communication than to ignore it and to be sorry later. Because I have so many people who write to me and have waited to address things until the husband is already walking out. It's more difficult to get things on track at that point.

It's best to first focus on restoring intimacy and closeness before you try to tackle any difficult problems. Working through difficult issues when two people aren't closely bonded and committed is much more tricky. You'll have an easier time of it if you're able to restore the affection and commitment as the first step in the process. Educate yourself on how to communicate and interact in a positive way and don't stop until you're feeling the same bond that you felt when you were first dating. I have some folks who tell me that they don't think that this is possible because they've been together for so long and things will just naturally become stale and complacent after a while.

I don't believe this for a second. I believe this is a lie we tell ourselves so we don't have to feel vulnerable or disappointed. You only need to look around to see countless examples of couples who are still deeply in love, intimate, and connected after a very long period of time. The real difference lies in the level of commitment and the amount of time spent on martial maintenance. They've learned to prioritize their relationship and to settle for nothing less than both parties being completely fulfilled.

Unfortunately for me, I ignored a lot of these signs until it was almost too late. Luckily, over time (and taking calculated baby steps), I was able to reestablish intimacy and bring back his love. You can read a very personal story on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com

About the Author

Leslie Cane's blog is at http://isavedmymarriage.com.  She enjoys sharing the story of how she saved her own marriage to help others.

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This entry was posted on Thursday, July 24th, 2008 at 9:15 am and is filed under paintings. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.